michaeldonadams.com

The Stupidest Things President George W. Bush Has Ever Said

• “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.”
  —LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000
• “I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.”
  —Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000
• “I hear there’s rumors on the Internets that we’re going to have a draft.”
  —second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004
• “I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.”
  —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000
• “You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that is fantastic that you’re doing that.”
  —to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005
• “Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.”
  —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004
• “They misunderestimated me.”
  —Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000
• “Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?”
  —Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000
• “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”
  —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004
• “There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.”
  —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

Now that Barack Obama is the Democratic nominee, Americans are going to have to choose between the 46-year-old Obama and the 71-year-old John McCain. That’s the choice. In other words, it’s a choice between the Hillary-defeater or the Wal-Mart greeter.

Barack Obama said today that he is going to fight for votes in all 50 states. Yeah. That’s what he said. Meanwhile, John McCain said he’s going to fight for votes in all 13 colonies.

This week, Barack Obama, true story, campaigned on an Indian reservation and the tribal chief adopted him. Yeah, the Indians actually prefer Obama to John McCain, because they still remember when McCain took their land.

Earlier today, John McCain released 1,200 pages of his medical records. Or, as his doctor calls it, Chapter One.

Barack Obama’s staff and John McCain’s staff are busy now negotiating when the presidential debates will take place. That’s good, yeah. Yeah, Obama wants them to be in September, and McCain wants them to be after his nap, but before “Wheel of Fortune.”

“According to the Washington Post, Barack Obama and actress Scarlett Johansson are email buddies. Apparently they email each other back and forth. So, you’ve got a 23-year-old gorgeous, blonde actress emailing a married presidential candidate. Well, what could go wrong there? Not to be outdone today, John McCain admitted he had been exchanging flirty emails with Angela Lansbury.” –Jay Leno